New Ways To Delineate Seasons

Image: Keith Hall via Flickr

As our planet inches closer and closer to its demise, one thing that’s already a thing of the past is the seasons. Fall has fallen into the past and Winter is whenever it feels like being Winter. Spring is a suggestion and Summer is the only constant we will ever know for the rest of eternity.

That being said, we are constantly evolving creatures, adapting beautifully to our environment, so I suggest we brainstorm new ways other than temperature change to mark the changing of the seasons.

FALL

We will now usher in Fall whenever we listen to our favorite post-hardcore band’s album we were obsessed with in high school in its entirety. At that moment when we are envisioning ourselves five feet away from the pull of the mosh pit, waiting for the chords to build and allow a euphoric release — that is Fall.

Fall is now also whenever we inexplicably cuff our jeans.

WINTER

You know Winter is approaching when you want to nap. In fact, napping is now winter and the haze you wake up into post-nap, that is also winter. You can’t winter in your bed, but you can on couches and trains and other people’s beds if you don’t get under the covers. Winter makes us less cranky.

SPRING

If you fall in love, it is Spring. That being said, your Spring might look very different from somebody else’s Spring and you have to respect that. Spring is when you well up with excitement at the thought of seeing somebody or sit on Facebook scanning so far back through their photos that you have a good idea of who they went to prom with. Spring is pretending you’ve never been to a bar before even though you have but you’re lying because that last time you went was on a very bad date years ago and with this person, this bar feels very brand new and full of potential.

Crushes are the beginning of Spring, but like the seasons when they were ruled by the weather, sometimes Spring has some false starts.

SUMMER

Summer is when you’re too full. Full of food, full of sadness, full of crap. It’s all the extreme emotions that are stuffing you to your brim. Summer isn’t necessarily good or bad but it is complete chaos. It’s almost always summer because as a nation we haven’t figured out any self control. We all die in the summertime.