How To Be a Truly Great Schoolmarm

It starts with a good bun.

Have a brooch.

Be really into spelling.

Have a chalkboard.

Have chalk.

Wear your hair in a bun.

Speak French.

Hit people with a ruler.

Be plain.

Be pale.

Be really into rules.

Have a book strap.

Wear spectacles.

Know about parables.

Look forward to school holidays.

Don’t look forward to school holidays.

Walk down a lot of hallways.

Be sensible.

Have no strong feelings about sunsets.

Memorize things.

Eat porridge.

Eat a lot of chalk dust.

Do not go courting.

Do have long skirts.

Cultivate a look of disdain.

Maybe have another brooch.

Direct amateur theatricals.

Pull that bun tighter.

Be from out of town.

Hit people with a switch.

Bathe in cold water.

Aspire to be headmistress.

Aspire to have a mistress.

Aspire to have a cowboy.

Address people by their full names.

Conjugate Latin verbs.

Purse your lips.

Raise your eyebrow.

Have two crisp blouses on rotation.

Maybe live in England.

Maybe live on an island in Canada.

Board somewhere.

Drink sherry, but rarely.

(That bun could still be tighter.)

Say “discipline” a lot.

Say, “Girls, really!” a lot.

Speak Ancient Greek.

Draw flowers.

Pick flowers, but not to excess.

Have pockets.