Nothing Comes Between Us and Our Bootcuts

Ebay tattled and now everyone knows American ladies still love bootcut jeans so hard. Over the past year, out of the roughly three million pairs sold through the site, 793,289 were bootcut, 214,405 were skinny jeans, and a measly 20,449 wide-leg pairs got scooped up. OK, questions: Which one(s) of you did this? What are you wearing them with? Do you own a horse? What’s its name? Can I come over and ride it? Do I need to bring a hat? What about a bottle of wine? How’s bourbon? Do you prefer cake or pie? Should I bring a sleeping bag? No, I understand, you need your privacy. You know what? You are so pretty.