You might have noticed that the image on this post is not that of an artfully shot candle on the floor of my apartment but, instead, that of a man. It’s true. What you’ve come to expect from the image of a candle review on The Hairpin dot com has been turned on its head and this has left you feeling confused and as though you are on unstable ground, not for the first time in your life. You’re right. And yet. You see. No shock. No engulfment. No tearing asunder. What you feared would come like an explosion is like a whisper. What you thought was the end is the beginning. The beginning of: this candle review.

Remember Keap, from before? In my salad days, the men of Keap sent me a “Wood Cabin” candle that I liked very much. It was just about one year ago, and so much has changed since then. For instance, there is [terrible thing 1]. There is also [terrible thing 2], [terrible thing 3], [terrible thing 4], and of course I’ve gotten just a little bit younger. But there’s no need to dwell on the past, the present, or much farther into the future than we are able admit to ourselves while retaining our ability to wake up every morning. Let’s talk about this candle: the “Lavender + Petals” candle. It’s one of their new candles.

Here are its notes, according to Keap:

I love them, they’re so beautiful. And here is its description, again, according to Keap:

A wander through floral fields blends aromatic lavender with soft, delicate florals, creating a dewy bouquet. Perfect for a calm moment to yourself, and getting away from it all.

Incredible. I hate to make this about me, but I do think it would seem odd not to point out that I, too, am a dewy bouquet, and I am also perfect for a calm moment. Yes? And, anyway, of course, this candle sounds beautiful as fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—But is it beautiful as fuck? Let’s see.

ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY THE PHOTO IS OF A MAN?

Oh, yes. I forgot. That man is named Steve, and he is half of the Keap men. The other one is named Harry. I took the photo while visiting the Keap candle-making studio in “Industry City,” which is the strangest place I have ever visited. It is full of scary warehouses, but then inside of the warehouses they make chocolate and candles and coffee, or flowers. And every so often there will be an area designated for humans to be, like a mini golf area, even though otherwise it seems like a section of Brooklyn built for robots and trucks exclusively.

WAS A LADY NICE TO YOU ABOUT PARKING THERE?

Yes. I couldn’t find parking so I pulled into a lot to see what the rate would be for one hour and the rate was $18! (!!!!!!!) I said, “Eighteen dollars?! Oh, man.” And the parking attendant woman said, “You should try looking around for street parking.” And I said, “OK, thanks.”

THAT STORY WAS NOT INTERESTING

Yeah, well.

DOES IT HAVE A GOOD SMELL?

Oh, right. Yes. For the sake of full disclosure I must tell you that, while at the Keap studio, I was allowed to choose from Keap’s scents and make a candle, for myself, with one of them. I hate to give away any secrets, but this is how you do it: measure wax, stir in scent, pour wax into vessel. You can do this yourself and then learn about making candles and candle-making sustainability at one of Keap’s workshops, if you’d like. [ADVERTISEMENT.] Just kidding, about the advertisement. Though they did invite me to their studio, and now I’m talking about it, so how just kidding am I? It’s an interesting question. The “ethical world” of candle reviewing is nebulous and, frankly, not for you to understand.

Oh, but yes. It smells like clean clothes, and nice flowers, and relaxation. It has a good smell. That’s why I chose it as my candle to make, when the time came to do so.

IS IT A FALL CANDLE?

No, not exactly. But the lavender sort of makes it an anytime relaxation candle. So maybe yes, sort of. It’s not “bright” like a non-fall candle. But it’s not “non-floral” like a fall candle. And is it ever going to be fall, really? It seems like it’s going to be humid summer forever. It gets both a check and a non-check.

SHOULD WE CONDENSE THE NEXT FEW QUESTIONS SINCE WE ALREADY DISCUSSED A KEAP CANDLE AND THE ANSWERS ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME?

Yes. It is $35, which is a pretty good deal in my opinion. It burns for 50 hours (allegedly) (as you know, I believe burn times are lies) (but Keap candles do burn slowly). It looks nice, and it has a nice weight. I cleaned out my last Keap candle and now I use it as a cup, which I love. I love to have a cup.

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS CANDLE TO A FRIEND:

I have already recommended the Keap “Log Cabin” candle, and the Keap candle catalogue in general, to a number of friends. If Keap was trying to “buy” my influence, they have certainly done so quite handily. But I do like their candles very much, and they do a thing with SolarAid, and they care about sustainability, and they know a lot about candle science. So. Yes, I would recommend this candle to a friend but probably not until April, if we are still here at that point, which I hope we are not.

SCORE:

• Four checks
• Two non-checks
• One cup
• One April

Pretty good!

Previous candle reviews:

• Madewell, Cedar And Vetiver
• Miley Cyrus’s Mom’s Candles
• Kerzon, Tuileries Palais-Royal
• goop, edition 02 — shiso
• Seda France, Japanese Quince
• L’Objet, Eau D’Égée Candle №3
• Ellis, Verb
• Empty 2.4 oz Diptyque, Tubéreuse
• Jo Loves, Christmas Trees
• Surf’s Up Candle, Surf Wax
• Keap, Wood Cabin
• NOTE Frangrances, Scranton in the Fall
• Common Good, Lavender and Bergamot
• Ombres Portées, Avenue Saint-Jean