They Found Your Boyfriend in a Swamp

Whew, so relieved.

Oh, thank god. Before we get into it, I want to apologize for the times I may have suggested you give up hope of them ever finding your boyfriend. “They’ll NEVER find him,” I think I can remember saying, though it’s painful now. “That fucking guy…” — the memory is hazy— “that guy is only slightly larger than a human fingertip and able to camouflage himself in vegetation or sand. Give it up.” Ugh. Thank god you didn’t listen.

Though, if memory serves, I think we both said some things to each other that night that maybe we wish we could take back. Not to dig up old fights. I just want to clear the air now that they found him and the whole “saga,” ha-ha, not to trivialize it, is over. I think I remember you saying (in a way that was pointed and unnecessary?) something like, “At least I have a boyfriend.” Do you remember? Anyway. It’s just interesting to me that you would say that when, in every practical sense, you didn’t. He was hidden in a swamp? I mean. They found him now and it’s fine, but when you said that your boyfriend was technically hidden in a swamp and nobody even knew what he was yet.

Anyyyyyyyyway.

Everything I said about them never finding your toadlet boyfriend — and that’s not a pejorative, literally he’s a toadlet and you know that — I was only saying that stuff as a friend. “He’s so tiny,” etc. He is, and I love that about him. Anyway, ugh, blah, blah, listen to me going on and on. It’s so great that they found him. And in Newcastle, New South Wales, right by the airport. A well-populated area! It’s almost like he wasn’t waiting to be found and was just sort of living his life? Haha, ahh, I’m just kidding. Here’s what abc.net.au said about him:

A rare species of frog that flashes its bright orange groin in an effort to ward off predators has been discovered in swampland north of Newcastle.

Oh my god. Nooooooo! So embarrassing! Oh my god, ahh, I’m sure they say something else about him, hold on:

Mahony’s Toadlet is barely bigger than a human fingertip and was identified just kilometres from Newcastle Airport in the well-developed area of Port Stephens in New South Wales.

The tiny amphibian was immediately recognisable as a new species because of its unique marbled underbelly and bright orange groin.

Oh my godddddddd, nooooooo, I’m so sorry!!!!! Ughhhh whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The bright orange grooiiiin whyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee. That’s between you guys!!!!! Oh my god, so embarrassing. I’m so sorry!!

Anyway. The important thing is that they found him! I’m so happy they found your boyfriend!