Holiday Catalog Scent

Something “good.”

Steve Bannon, anti-Semitic white nationalist, is Trump’s chief strategist. Rudy Giuliani, racist thug who, along with Saturday Night Live, ruined The Clash’s “Rudie Can’t Fail,” will likely become Trump’s secretary of state. Donald Trump is president-elect and we need to give him a chance just kidding. You don’t need to hear about the state of the country from me, but I didn’t know how else to begin, and now I don’t know how to continue, so let’s see.

Much of the writing I do here has the implied purpose of, “let’s think about something else for 3 min read.” Bed or donuts or candles. Sadly we no longer have the luxury of being under the impression that we should be able to think about something else for 3 min read. It is The Time to Fight, as well-intentioned white people with nothing else to offer keep telling you. And that is true. Urgently. But I have to write something because incredibly I am being paid. Also I feel braindead and like I want to disappear. Here’s what I have been thinking about.

Near the binding, the pages of holiday catalogs have a very good scent. You can’t tell me that it isn’t true, even at this moment in history, that, near the binding, the pages of holiday catalogs have a very good scent. And it’s holiday catalog time now.

What does it smell like? Paper and glue, I guess. A google of “what makes catalogs smell good” returned no helpful results. The first result is from Thought Catalog and it is a piece called “5 Things That Smell Amazing And Will Make Lots Of People Want To Have Sex With You.” Wow — incredible advice. Sadly, none of the five things are “the pages of holiday catalogs” or a cologne that mirrors the scent of the pages of holiday catalogs.

Actually, the top three results for “what makes catalogs smell good” are all from Thought Catalog. I guess because of “catalog.” The second one is “27 Hygiene Tips To Keep You Fresh And Clean-Smelling” and the third is “5 Things That Will Make You Smell Even More Amazing And Get You Laid!” Incredible that we are all not fucking constantly with this sort of information available.

I’m not sure what’s so special about the holiday edition of catalogs. They’re thicker? But you’d think, then, that magazines would have the special scent, and they do, but it’s not as special. The scent of the holiday edition of catalogs reminds me of sticking my face into the holiday edition of catalogs as a child, which is nice. Scent is the blah blah tied-est closely to blahm.

So. Smell a catalog — today.