Why Don’t These Facebook Ads Want Me To Take Off My Bra?

By Silvia Killingsworth January 26, 2017

No bra looks as good as braless feels.

I realize that Facebook ads are targeted and I have always gotten bra ads because I brought some bras online once (props to Journelle for their social-media carpetbombing of 2015–16), but something has happened in the last few months and now ALL of my ads are for “comfy” bras you “forget” you have on, or “never” want to take off. What the hell? I get that that they’re cute and strappy and lacy, but I guarantee you no bra looks as good as braless feels. ESPECIALLY after a full day of wearing a bra. What is the first thing you do when you get home from a long day at work? Ladies, say it with me, “UNHOOK YOUR BRA AND CASUALLY EXTRACT IT FROM YOUR SLEEVE JUST LIKE JENNIFER BEALS IN ‘FLASHDANCE!’”

I also realize I am not what you would call a classic “boob-haver” and that breasts come in all forms so maybe there is something about wearing a bra that just feels better and more secure for some, but when I am lounging around at home and making myself “comfortable,” a bra is almost never part of the equation. So what on earth is this ad talking about?

Taryn, forty-eight hours is TOO LONG. Nevermind, like, sweat and stuff, but how did you manage to make this very complicated-looking bra work under two days’ worth of clothes? What was the point of its complicatedness? Were you drunk for forty-eight hours, Taryn? I don’t mean to be rude, I only ask because the only times I’ve ever fallen asleep in a bra are never, because if I go to sleep drunk I you will probably find a trail of clothing items leading from my door to my bed.

Material so soft, you’ll forget it’s there?? That sounds like either some sort of space-age fabric, or like your bra is wayyyyyy too big. As in, it’s not touching your skin. If you can’t feel the material, maybe you should see a neurologist.

Okay I get what this bra is about, but it’s like, basically just a crop top worn with no bra. Seems comfortable! But not like you’d FEEL NOTHING.

Just a quick clarifying question, Roxie: Did you wake up, put on this bra, and then go back to bed? Or did you wake up wearing this bra? Either way I am concerned that you’re not living your most relaxed Sunday life.

The World’s Most Comfortable Bra. You. Plus This. Only That. Forever. What? (This lady has very nice bangs and deltoids, though.)

This isn’t a bra, it’s an ad for the Warby Parker of bras—ThirdLove. You can try on a bra and send it back if it doesn’t fit. website greets you with a splash about their 24/7 collection:

I get that, as a woman, I have a lot to think about, and my bra shouldn’t be one of them, but don’t you think wearing a bra 24/7 is a bit much?

A lot of these newfangled bra sites have a section dedicated to finding your fit and your boob shape and color and what not (with cutesy names to boot). Thirdlove for showing boobs in their preferred natural state—braless:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE RELAXED BOOBS? East West :/

But True&Co shows boobs in their restricted state, bra-ed:

Wide and low never struck me as particularly “winning” but thank you for the boost of confidence.

I’m sure the explanation for this has to do with hashtag freeing nipples or whatever, and I am ALL ABOUT finding the correct FIT for your bra, I just don’t understand why all the campaigns are about keeping your bra on for so long. Even if your bra is comfortable, you should take it off at the end of the day. Give those eye-hooks a rest!

Don’t get me started on the underwear you don’t take off while you’re having your period 🙁