I Admit: A Burr Grinder Is Better Than A Blade Grinder For Coffee

Okay.

Everything is very bad and humor seems pointless, so what do we do now, I don’t know. (Royal “we.”) I’m going to talk about my coffee grinder. Here we go:

In October, when we thought Donald Trump was not going to be president, I wrote a post about how a rude friend of mine insulted my use of a blade grinder.

Do You Know Your Coffee Grinder Isn’t Supposed to Have a Blade?

He asked me, “How often do you make coffee at home?” “Every day,” I said. “Oh my god,” he said, shaking his head. I still remember it very clearly because he, a guest in my home, did not offer me anything to help me — a new grinder; coffee beans; a full punchcard for a free coffee at his coffee shop in Philadelphia to which I will not link out of anger, just kidding, it’s this one — he only insulted my coffee and then that was the end of the conversation. OK. Thanks, Matt…

The blade grinder: I thought it was fine. It was very loud, which I hated, and I never really knew how long I should hold down the grind button, but it ground the beans and then I put them into the French press and sometimes it tasted good and sometimes it tasted bad and sometimes it tasted in the middle, but mostly it tasted not that great. Inconsistent and mostly not that great: what does it remind you of?

Life. Who was I to question it or attempt to improve it?

Since then I have acquired a burr grinder. This is the type of grinder my coffee friend told me to get. It uniformly crushes beans between two abrasive surfaces. It does not slice them into different sized pebbles, the way a blade grinder does.

OK.

It’s not easy to admit you’ve been doing something incorrectly for your entire life, especially if you are a man. I assume this is why so many men leave toilet seats up in restrooms and why they hold pens like that and why they hire women and pay them less than men and think, “what?” Luckily I am not a man. I am a proud woman. And that is why I am able to say to you today:

“My coffee every day is a lot better now, with the burr grinder.” — Kelly Conaboy

Damn.

It really is.

This isn’t an advertisement. I am not a sellout. I am not going to tell you to buy a burr grinder or what kind of burr grinder I think you should buy — I am not a sellout, I’d like to repeat. “The things you own end up owning you.” Fight Club. Don’t buy anything. Dig a hole in the ground and lie down. I’ve had enough, haven’t you? I’d just like to admit, as a followup to a previous post, and as an admission of error, that every day now my coffee tastes good. Before I knew there was about a 20% chance it would taste good; now it’s about 80%. I admit:

That’s it. Thank you for reading.

Don’t buy anything.

“I WAS WRONG TO USE THE BLADE GRINDER I BOUGHT IN MY LATE TEENS FOR SO MANY YEARS AFTER MY LATE TEENS — BUT NOT THAT MANY, I AM STILL QUITE YOUNG.” — Kelly Conaboy