Eat, Pray, Scrub

So, attempting to recreate those grotesque 1950s recipes you remember from James Lileks’ oeuvre as a thing to do and then write about has been taken (adorably), BUT we bet that if you tried to clean your house every day without our modern contraptions and then lost, like, some stupid amount of weight in the process and had wry observations about the nature of women’s relationship to household chores, you could absolutely get a book deal out of it.

So, one of you should call it first and then throw out your Magic Eraser and get on your goddamn knees and start having small revelations and a minor uptick in your sex life and then a downturn because you’re exhausted and then a crisis about how women who just can’t afford Magic Erasers do this stuff every day anyway and then one big revelation and some reflection about how there is no reason anyone ever washed the floor every single day.