Leaving Westboro Baptist: An Interview

by Rachel Kramer Bussel

“Thank God for September 11!” 19-year-old Lauren Drain yells during a picket of the second inauguration of President George W. Bush in 2005 in the opening scene of her memoir Banished: Surviving My Years in the Westboro Baptist Church (Goodreads | Amazon). While she once proudly held signs proclaiming attention-getting slogans like “God Hates Fag Enablers” as part of the Westboro Baptist Church, the 27-year-old Connecticut resident now calls the church a cult. When she was 14, her philosophy professor father decided to make a documentary about the church; originally aimed at exposing them, and titled Hatemongers, it instead morphed into a pro-WBC work that transformed their family, as Drain, her parents, and her younger sister moved from Florida to Topeka, Kansas, to become active members. Drain had a favorite picket sign (“Prepare To Meet Thy God”) and Catholic churches were her preferred houses of worship to picket (“because of the Catholics’ hypocrisy”).

She chose to get baptized in the church, committing fully to its teachings and soaking up the energy of their high-profile pickets (“When we were on the picket line, we were so empowered that we became almost possessed”) seemingly anywhere and everywhere — the sheer number of pickets Drain describes is staggering; by her count, she attended thousands. Drain details the inner workings of the church, where, under the leadership of its founder, pastor Fred Phelps, it’s actually women with law degrees who run the show, female teenagers like Drain are shamed for “racy” clothing and talking to boys, and students protest their own graduations (due to gay-straight alliances in the schools). Eventually Drain was kicked out and banished not just from the church but her own family. Drain has since posed for the NOH8 campaign and renounced her former views, apologizing for any pain she caused while a WBC member. I emailed Drain to find out more about her story.

Bussel: I was struck by how fast the change in your father, and later, you, seemed to happen surrounding the church’s opinions, going from thinking they were hateful to wanting to join them. It wasn’t overnight, but it seemed fast because their views were so different. Why do you think both of you changed your thinking so quickly? Was there a moment where it clicked that you were completely on board?

Drain: I didn’t have any religious background or previous introduction to the Bible. My father was telling our whole family that he felt guilty for not having raised us Christian or taught us about the Bible. He changed his tune from a loud, boisterous atheist/agnostic to a quiet, humble person that was interested in “serving God.” My mother had been raised Catholic. I don’t think she fully believed in the Catholic religion, but I think she believed in God and always desired my father to as well. My mother did fight against a lot of the signs she saw the church held at first, questioning their “Matt in Hell” sign which referred to Matthew Shepard, who died after beaten bloody supposedly over his sexual orientation. She didn’t believe at first that anyone could say with certainty who was in heaven or in hell. My father, however, was determined to convince my family of the WBC’s “misunderstood message from God.”

At the time that all these changes were occurring and my father was making his film Hatemongers, I was acting like a typical teen, seeking attention from my peers and becoming interested in guys my age. My father found my friends at school to be “bad influences,” especially any boys interested in me. He pulled me out of high school in the middle of my sophomore year and isolated me from any friends. I tried rebelling a few times, not used to the extreme nature of his control, but eventually ended up caving in when he guilted me into believing I was acting like a “whore.” He eventually showed me his tender side when I grew interested in learning about the Bible and this new doctrine from the WBC, and I found love and acceptance from him and my family.

I have to be honest: I loved learning about the Bible and current events, two things I had never really cared for before joining the WBC. There was definitely a moment when I was completely on board. I wanted to believe I was a good Christian daughter and a good Christian girl, who resisted sin and spoke out against evils in the world. However, I didn’t realize that the doctrine was twisted or only focused on hate until a few years after having been indoctrinated. I can only now see how heavily my father manipulated me and my family, whether he intended to or not.

Bussel: If you could go back and speak to your 15-year-old self, what would you say?

Drain: That’s a hard question. I’ve definitely been asked if I could do it all over again, would I? Despite having done horrible and hurtful things in the name of God, it was part of my past and shapes me into the person I am now. I now am fully aware of the dangers cults have on people and families. At 15 years old, I wasn’t prepared for life on my own, nor did I really have any good influences in my life that I can think of. Even though I would never go back to the WBC, I can honestly say my life is what it was for a reason. I feel much more prepared for how to help others that were or are in cults now. I am glad to be out, no longer living under extreme control, judgment, and condemnation. I am now able to explore the Bible and understand what God’s plan is, and as long as I have asked for forgiveness and believe I am forgiven, I don’t think I would change anything.

If I had told myself at 15, “Don’t join! Run away!” I would have never met my two younger siblings who I am so fond of, nor would I have any type of further relations with my family. If any of them decide to leave one day, I can help them, having gone through the same thing already. If there were a way to fully erase my past in the WBC and give me knowledge about cults/dangerous religions, I would prefer that. I feel very ashamed to think of many of the pickets I was a part of, and looking back I don’t even know that person I was. In hindsight, I guess I would try and convince my father and family that there was a different way to serve God that wasn’t harmful and cruel.

Bussel: Do you have any fears about repercussions from anyone in the church?

Drain: I did not write my book intending to strictly “bash” the church or its members. I wrote it in an effort to explain what life was like inside and out of that church. They kicked me out of not only membership, but my dear family. After years of trying to repair things with my family to no avail, I figured I had to do something that demonstrated my side of the story, because my family, especially my siblings, would never know otherwise. My siblings were being plagued with thoughts that I was “the evil sister” and to never trust an “outsider.” If the church retaliates, it will be quite ironic, seeing that they fully abuse their rights to freedom of speech.

Bussel: You write in the acknowledgements of Banished when addressing your little brother, “I hope one day you will see God’s love is not celebrated through hate.” Can you elaborate on how your current vision of God differs from the one you held when you were with the church?

Drain: We were taught in the WBC that God has pleasure in killing people, that He wants people to go to hell, and that it was our duty to tell people in order for us to get to heaven. I read the same Bible they do, and now fully understand how much they twist scripture to suit their elitist mentality. My poor little siblings want to please their parents, as many children do. It’s a shame because despite their “obedience,” they are being taught God is only full of hate and cruelty to most of mankind. Quite the opposite is true in my mind. He is fully of compassion, forgiveness and “not willing that any should perish.” There are strong verses in Ezekiel 18 & 33 that describe that “[God] does not have pleasure in him that dieth.” I still believe there are punishments for things, but God does not want people to fail. Judging and condemning people like I once did was wrong.

Bussel: Media attention seems to be the lifeblood of WBC and your father’s documentary, originally titled Hatemongers, is how he became involved. Do you have any messages for media outlets who cover their protests? Do you think in some ways that mass attention helps further their message?

Drain: WBC is made up of a small group of people, mostly family, maybe 50 members in total. Without media, they have no power. Imagine a child screaming on the streets of Manhattan. It’s severely drowned out by all the other “noise.” Although I know part of the media’s job is to expose those things in society that are bizarre or damaging, WBC’s message has already been told to anyone who pays attention to the mainstream media. If you don’t know about them by now, you live under a rock. Even under pretenses of mocking them, whenever their signs are shown, they glory in it. Whenever their message was thwarted through little to no media attention, they lost steam and schemed more shock value to get back on the map. If they have no media coverage, they have no power or voice.

Bussel: In early February, Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper, granddaughters of Fred Phelps, also announced they were leaving the church. Do you see this moment in time as a tipping point where the WBC is going to become less powerful?

Drain: I see a lot of hope after Megan and Grace Phelps-Roper left. I describe some pretty extreme control and monitoring of the members while I was in the WBC, but it has apparently gotten much worse. The WBC have admitted to making mistakes concerning their own membership, kicking people out, then a year or so later inviting them back in. Apparently the men have decided the women of the church no longer have any say in matters, which further isolates any women from speaking up or questioning the doctrine. Megan was able to see a lot of injustices both regarding inside matters and even signs she didn’t agree with and after speaking up about them, saw that nothing changed. I never imagined anyone else would leave on their own. Megan and Grace are some of the last people I expected to see leave, because I know how much they love their family. The fact that despite having been indoctrinated since birth, those two women stood up and left, demonstrates the WBC is becoming less powerful over its members, but only if they question things for themselves. Brainwashing is an extremely powerful thing, and if you don’t have a willingness to question things, it keeps you trapped inside.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is a New York-based author, blogger, and event organizer. She’s edited over 40 anthologies, including Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission, Orgasmic, Women in Lust, Twice the Pleasure: Bisexual Women’s Erotica, and Cheeky Spanking Stories and edits the Best Sex Writing and Best Bondage Erotica series. She blogs at Lusty Lady and Cupcakes Take the Cake. Follow her @raquelita.