Things the Internet Tells Me to Do That I Will Not Be Doing

by Lamar Clarkson

Look amazing day & night.

Collect your candle wax in this glass vase.

Watch Nicolas Cage perform John Cage’s 4’33”.

Say hello to Kim Kardashian’s baby bump.

Reach your full potential this year!

Attempt one colorful makeup moment a day.

Turn toward warming soups and away from raw salads.

Take steps to secure your account.

Sample Girl Scout cookie–flavored beer.

Stop pretending you can make good pancakes without buttermilk.

Turn your utensils into beautiful and unexpected crafts.

Receive close mentoring and become part of the stimulating writing community.

REACT.

Stop putting trees on skyscrapers.

Lamar Anderson is a San Francisco–based writer and permanent resident of the Internet. She blogs for Architizer, OK Gorgeous, and Ladyish, and is a frequent contributor to Architectural Record and ARTnews.