The Other 5150

Over at Grantland, Molly Lambert methodically walks us through the Amanda Bynes saga in the most matter-of-fact tone possible, and the effect is appropriately disquieting:

Those under a 5150 hold are promised “dignity, privacy, and humane care,” but in the case of stars like Spears or Bynes, the first two are almost always breached. Another witness, who says they saw Bynes’s arson and made a 911 call, claimed that Bynes was “creating a makeshift explosive” by placing a burning cloth over the mouth of the gas tank. The fire department put out the flames before the gas tank had a chance to explode. A normal 5150 lasts 72 hours, but depending on what officials decide after they mentally evaluate Bynes, it could last as long as two weeks.

Celebrity breakdowns, delivered in tidbits and tiny boxes in the check-out line (and with the consistently high drama of Bynes’s) don’t always seem very real, or at least don’t register as heavily human as they might off the page or off the screen. That’s understandable. This is the first thing I’ve read on the matter that manages to send Bynes’s crisis home.

And for a very different celeb-read, here is Aubrey Plaza, looking “HOT” and delivering the following poetry into a GQ reporter’s recorder during his bathroom break: “”Old person’s penis. With a top hat on it. And a mustache. On the beach.”