What a Girl Wants, According to Gmail Ads

“With the Promotions tag visible, that American Express ad goes away. But when the Promotions tag is disabled, there’s the ad again. It’s a game of Whac-A-Mole: Google will shove an ad in front of your eyeballs, one way or another.”

I want to save on rabbit cages of all sizes.

I want to unleash my inner clairvoyant.

I want to write a book and then publish it later today.

I want to find cheap, stylish women’s swimwear in many colors.

I want to have discount cupcakes with amazing taste shipped direct.

I want to finally, truly heal myself.

I want to get bee removal — FAST!

I want to have friendly, professional kickboxing lessons.

I want to effortlessly learn transcendental meditation.

I want to buy stocks that will rock my world.

I want to buy blue biscuits with a limited number of natural ingredients.

I want to combine Labor Day sales with a water heater rebate.

I want to find a jewelry doctor.

I want to install flooring, consistently, rewardingly, for three years.

I want to patent my “brilliant idea” before someone else does.

I want to ghostwrite my own book.

I want to ride a New Mexico monster bull?

I want to talk to expert California psychics who have all the answers.

I want to tell Gmail to stop spamming me.

Natalie Eve Garrett is ghostwriting her book and hopefully publishing it later today. Prints of her art are for sale here.