The Best Time I Almost Bought a Falcon

There are Wiki holes, and then there are Wiki holes that result in Googling state and federal regulations on owning predatory birds in the wee small hours of the morning.

Reasons in Favor of Acquiring a Falcon

– Taking “put a bird on it” to a whole new level of cool
 — The opportunity to hunt small rodents when your cat decides she’s retired from productive labor
 — Jane probably has great tips on how to coordinate leather gauntlets with sexy outfits and dramatic eyeliner
 — Take that, weak-ass LARPers with swords
 — Mercedes Lackey is a falconer
 — Falcons live in Edith-friendly tiny houses called mews
 — Profit?
 — This

Reasons Against Acquiring a Falcon

– Apparently, falcons do not grow to love you, and only return to your glove because you provide them a small advantage in obtaining prey
 — If you are a crappy falconer, which you probably would be for a long time, they will not return to your glove at all
 — “The falcon cannot hear the falconer” — YEATS
 — Building a mews is a pain in the ass
 — “Acquiring a falconry license in the US requires an aspiring falconer to pass a written test, have equipment and facilities inspected, and serve a minimum of two years as an apprentice under a licensed falconer. There are three classes of the falconry license, which is a permit issued jointly by the falconer’s state of residence and the federal government. The aforementioned Apprentice license matriculates to a General Class license, which allows the falconer to possess no more than two raptors at a time. After a minimum of 5 years at General level, falconers may apply for a Master Class license, which allows them to keep 3 raptors for falconry.”
 — Laziness

Random Falcon-Related Trivia:

– Falcons are girls and tercels are boys, or used to be, because only five people actually pay attention to that stuff anymore
 — Harris’ Hawks actually do develop a grudging fondness for you, but falconry snobs don’t think beginners should use them, because they’re too forgiving and you won’t build important falconry-character
 — The expressions “fed up,” “wrapped around his little finger,” and “under his thumb” are all derived from falconry
 — Harry Potter caused people to get into hunting with owls again, but this is a really bad idea because owls are much better nighttime hunters, and if you hunt with your cranky owl during the day, alert daytime predatory birds will mess up your owl, and that’s on you.

So, you know, vote Ron Paul, who would probably totally let you own a falcon without all of this apprenticeship bullshit.

(Hi! I’m here until Jane comes back on Tuesday. Jaaaane!)