Learning to Love Ben, Part Two

This episode started out weird. We were in some house last week and now we’re in another house near where Ben lives or something but it looks sort of the same as the first house? Or is it the first house? I don’t understand where we are, Ben, is what I’m saying.

First things first: Ben seems like a pretty okay kisser! Phewsh. Like, he doesn’t come at you with his mouth wide open and his tongue hanging out, ready to lick the roof of your mouth. He also doesn’t twist his head in every direction while he’s sloshing around in there. In my book, his kisses looked pretty solid. Also: he kissed a lot of women! Which means he has a pulse. Down there. Which is the one thing we were kind of worried about after last week. Way to be a dude, Ben.

When Ben takes you on a tour of his town, he points out City Hall. Dork! He also doesn’t talk about himself the whole time, which is refreshing. I mean, it would make sense on his home turf or whatever, and yet he was never all “me there, me here, me everywhere” like you’d expect. The dude even hugged some hot chicks that walked up to him on the street enthusiastically. I mean that about the way they came up to him and the way he hugged him. Nothing to hide, this guy!

He feigns interest in your useless talents (baton) AND he knows the correct answer to how many licks it takes. But he still talks about his dad too much. Although… if he didn’t we wouldn’t have found out that for all of Ben’s life his parents were in love with each other and him. Do you know how much that contributes to a guy being able to have a stable, loving, long-lasting relationship? All. It contributes pretty much all of it.

On the other hand, he makes you pretend you’re in drama club when you’re 34. Ben had a dozen chicks put on a play at the community theater, so I fast forwarded through that entire 30 minutes. I don’t know what happened and I never want to know.

More of the bad: he asks pretty quickly on the first date why you’re a model and still single. BEN! Read the books, Ben. Start with the “men are like this, women are like that” books. Never ask us that! Also, man up to the producers, for goodness sake, about the shooting schedule. Poor Jenna was edited to seem loony again like she had a meltdown and retreated to the bedroom in the middle of a party, but then… you gathered her from her room to attend The Rose Ceremony and the alarm clock on the nightstand said IT WAS TWO O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. (I fact checked this against the oven clock behind Blakeley’s head in the kitchen.) Don’t be a jerk, dude! That is too late to keep a lady up for almost any reason, and you know it.

Back to good things: Ben tells you when he likes you without prompting. Just all, “Hey, I wanted to make sure you know how much I really like you. A lot.” Who DOES that? Amazing. He also rubs your shoulder while you sit side by side, grabs you with both hands when he wants a kiss, and said out loud during a casual daytime conversation that he is looking forward to having children. He bites the inside of his lip, just like you. He squints at the sun and never has sunglasses on hand, just like you.

Most importantly: he caught himself being overly optimistic about your first date. “This is too good to be true,” he pondered. And then literally caught himself, and hedged: “I think there’s much more I need to learn about her.” Smart, reasonable, stumbly, kissy-kissy, dorky drama club Ben.

Kind of weirdly can’t wait to see you next week?