I’m Concerned About Katie And Tom From “Vanderpump Rules”

By Kelly Conaboy March 15, 2017

Oh, honies.

The best show on television is Bravo’s “Vanderpump Rules.” It has everything you could ever want in an unscripted drama: waitressing, bartending, hosting, bussing, sex, betrayal, and the consistent misuse of common idioms. For me, it is the most enjoyable hour of the week. But lately it has gotten dark.

( — er than normal.)

The show’s main players have always been concerning. They all seem to be alcoholics and only two have sought treatment, one of whom had to fight against his wife in order to do so because if he could just drink a little he would be more fun at parties, and couldn’t he maybe just try to manage it? Maybe if they just had a healthy breakfast together every day — could he drink at parties then? Oh, boy. They’re all abusive and broke, and they’re always stealing shit. Each relationship is built upon years of cheating and text message bullying, shunning and physical abuse. Jax is for sure on some serious shit and he keeps getting lumps in his chest because his diet is half poison muscle powder.* Also remember when he dated a recovering meth addict and broke up with her immediately after she took him to an NA meeting?

Okay — we all have issues. I would never judge.

It may seem callous to say so, after that explanation, but despite the deep personal problems of all of its characters, the show has remained incredibly fun to watch. I mean, it’s still fun to watch now. I love it so much — it’s crazy. I wish I could watch two new episodes per day. Everyone should be getting paid $1 million per episode, like the final season of “Friends,” though I know they very much are not. However, I have become greatly concerned for Katie and Tom. I haven’t been this concerned about two characters on the show since Scheana thought an omelet would cure Shay’s Vicodin addiction.

I’ll put it plainly — Katie and Tom should not be getting married. You know this, I know this. Jax knows it. Stassi knows it. Kristen knows it. Scheana knows it. Other Tom knows it. Shay is in the studio. Peter knows it. It is very clear that Katie and Tom should not be getting married. In reality, they have already gotten married, so the Vander-ship has Pump-sailed, but in the world of the show there is still time.

They should not get married because:

1. They get blackout drunk and verbally abuse each other regularly in a way that is quite alarming.

And also:

2. They cannot afford the wedding they are in the middle of having in a way that is quite alarming.

Of course this is none of my business, but I have seen all of the evidence played out from the comfort of my living room and I can’t hold my tongue any longer. I’ll start with the second issue. In the most recent episode, we learned the wedding will cost them $51,000. In an episode earlier in the season, when Katie and Tom met with a lawyer to sign a prenup, we learned Katie had $200 in her checking and $4700 in her savings with no retirement plan and no property. Pretty much she just had that and then a dog. Tom had less.

I understand that weddings are expensive and that in order to start a life with a person you have to spend all your money on a party no one wants to go to after you make them sit through church, but the fact remains:

Now the first issue. Katie fights with Tom and tells him that she does not want to marry him anymore every time she gets drunk, which is always, likely because she has never forgiven him for having sex with some chick while he was on a boy’s trip to Las Vegas, which is very fair. She shouldn’t forgive him, in my opinion. She should have broken up with him a long time ago. Similarly, Tom should not remain in a relationship with someone who will always harbor anger against him for a mistake to which he has yet to even admit (he says they just made out…yeah right!!!!) and yell at him about it in veiled terms when she gets drunk, which is always.

There are some who will claim Katie also cheated on Tom when she “motor-boated a dick,” an event allegedly seen by several eye witnesses, but personally I don’t believe this to be true and anyway they should just break up.