“A computer that listens and blows you/ As you blow it, to your favorite tune”
Here’s the beginning of Linh Dinh’s “Brand New Products”:
A vigilant gun that always picks out
The right target — even if it’s you —
No matter who you’re aiming at.
A computer that listens and blows you,
As you blow it, to your favorite tune.
Meat that cleans your teeth
As you’re masticating it.
A truck so awesome, only the President
Of the United States of America’s allowed
To careen in it, to his own beat.
A dictionary with positive adjectives only.
A dictionary with no wet verbs.
A dictionary with negotiable definitions.
A dictionary that defines words by their antonyms.
All the greatest hits from the last millennium
Performed live, on stage, on the inside
Of your state of the art, acoustically-enhanced skull.
A complete set of nude photos
Of you, taken by you and sold
Back to you — at a discount.
A sex doll with a mirror for a face.
A sex doll with a Ph.D.
A sex doll with adjustable skin tone.
A sensitive sex doll that just wants
To be friends — a Platonic sex doll.
I love this poem, which could be so bad but is perfect; the rest of it’s up at the Poetry Foundation.