It Sometimes Gets Better

I take a deep breath. I check the bathroom once, twice, three times. I know that if I check it three times, everything will be fine. Everything will go well that day. I look at myself in the mirror. I make eye contact.

“I love you,” I say. If I don’t do this, the day will go badly. If I do do this, the day will go fine. I have to do this every time I look in the mirror, or something bad might happen. Will happen. Or something good won’t happen. I’m not sure which. I’ve never been sure which. I just know that I have to do it.

Sara Benincasa’s new essay up at Medium, called “High School Is Forever,” is very, very good: an exposed zig-zag through time, functionality, mental illness, anxiety and peace.