Meditations on 13 Bits of Graffiti in the Ladies’ Room at the Pub Trivia Bar

IBlameThePatriarch.com
go, read, know
You mean this whole mess was just one patriarch this entire time? Well, goddamn, I blame him, too.

Don’t be sexist, bitches HATE THAT
 … You know, fair enough.

Lady 1: douchebag
Lady 2: douchebag is a hygienic product I take that as a compliment!
Lady 3: They give you yeastie beasties! Ew!
Something about this exchange is unexpectedly cute. Is it the “yeastie beasties” part? I think it’s the “yeastie beasties” part.

College is for people who
Who what? Who WHAT?!

I would rather have diamonds in my pussy & dicks round my neck!
Can we please all put this on our family crests forever, creating family crests from scratch if necessary? Let’s make a pact, right here on the wall of this bathroom stall.

Lady 1: I just want to fall in love
Lady 2: me too but women are disposable in ATX
Lady 3: bullshit, women are never disposible
Awwww, you guuuuys! I’m counting this as three signatures on the pact.

The worst part about having sex with Jesus is he’s always trying to cum in your heart
This is NOT what I was taught in church growing up, can someone PLEASE confirm or deny this??

Lady 1: “Life without music would be a waste” –Nietzsche
Lady 2: Well at least you spelled it correctly … I think you don’t get Nietzche
Just so we’re clear on this, the first girl spelled “Nietzsche” right, but got the quote wrong. The second girl got her condescension right, but misspelled “Nietzsche.”

Did you remember to clean your VAG?
Well, I tried, but it’s so difficult sometimes, I wish there was some sort of easily accessible educational resource, perhaps an Internet website where I could —

WashYoVag.com
omg sisterhood

Lady 1: [name redacted] has the smallest dick I’ve ever seen on a grown man
Lady 2: Baby dick!
Lady 3: I concur!
Well, it doesn’t seem to be slowing him down any.

Lady 1: A lot of people shit with pens
Lady 2 has added one letter so that it now says: A lot of people shit with penis
The first lady is correct, but the second lady is correcter.

Barbacks clean these bathrooms. We just want a pretty girl to smile at us.
Augh! There’s boys in here reading our secrets! Cover this all up quick, they can’t know about the diamond pussy pact.

Previously: The Contraception “Debate.”

Lauren O’Neal lives in Austin, Texas.

Image via vectorkat, via Shutterstock