Trends Men Hate

by Angela Vitello

A cool part about being a woman is fashion and trends. But don’t forget, men also get to have opinions about these topics. Here are some new trends that men hate.

Bra worn around the waist like a fanny pack. Men hate this trend. They hate it so much. They don’t understand it, and that confusion breeds anger.

Onion rings. You know, the smallish kind you can get at a nice place like Burger King. It’s a trend now to wear them on your fingers. Men just hate this one. What gives?

The horsetail. The ponytail’s more mature cousin is longer, thicker, and primarily used to swat away large insects. “This isn’t necessary,” is what a man would probably say.

Old-timey barrel worn with suspenders. This trend was born out of necessity — the necessity to look amazing without all the fuss of matching and layering. It’s difficult for men to understand this.

Waistless shorts. Men don’t see how they “work” but it’s more like they don’t see how they “werk.”

Clocks! (The socks with a watch embedded in the elastic.) “What???”- Men

A Pop-Tarts novelty promotional t- shirt from 2004, the one with a mechanism inside that made a cartoon dinosaur sing when you pressed a button. Listen, men: if Rihanna’s photographed wearing it front row at a Nets game, then it’s a good trend. A really fuckin’ good one.

Breaking Bad motif drawstring pajama pants, worn as evening wear. Men get uncomfortable when we try to appropriate parts of culture they feel are theirs. This is understandable.

“I Voted Today” stickers worn out of season. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t a trend,” a man would say, and he’d be wrong. Dead wrong. He’s dead.

Angela Vitello is a freelance writer and professional dog petter living in Brooklyn, NY. Her interests include colors. You can follow her on twitter @angie__pants or in real life heading into any establishment she walks by that sells ice cream.