Sentences From Five-Year-Olds Interpreted As Hot Political Takes
by Tyler Gillespie
Debt Crisis: “Is infinity a number?”
Diplomacy: “We’re friends again. It’s all because I let him have my strawberry Pop-tart.”
Feminism: “I don’t like pretending to act cute in a bathing suit. It’s blah.”
Libertarianism: “You can’t do that. You can’t do that. You can’t make me dance!”
Millennials: “Do we get a prize if we participate?”
Sanctions: “Well, he pushed me first.”
Socialism: “I asked everyone to share with me, and they said ‘No.”
Social Security: “Don’t tell him where my nickel is. It’s magic.”
Student Loans: “I’m going to follow you for the rest of your life.”
Upward Mobility: “Chickens can’t fly, so I like to pretend I’m an eagle.”
Previously: “Did you know One Direction is my brothers?”