Bloodfeast: The “Ragwood” Sandwich
by Marie Lodi
Let’s raise our Diva Cups for a toast. This is a momentous occasion: we are now all on same menstrual cycle. At least that’s what I’m happily assuming. Look at us, braiding each other’s hair, holding hands, surfborting together on ye olde crimson wave. Someone please pass the Midol. I’m wearing white culottes because I like to live dangerously. My dearest Sync Sisters, let’s celebrate this period party with a Bloodfeast snack we can all share!
A couple of years ago I hosted a party based on a legit fantasy: a “Midnight Cartoon Sandwich Party.” I wanted to surround myself with supportive friends cheering me on as I built the kind of sandwich seen in cartoons and comic strips. You know, when the character goes to make a “midnight snack,” and the result is a towering, mega-wich of cold cuts, cheeses, a fishbone, and maybe an old shoe, all topped off with olives on sticks. A character from the cartoon Blondie famously made this kind of sandwich, so it’s usually referred to by his name, The Dagwood. But for us fine ladies, we shall dub this: The Ragwood.
Ingredients
1–2 loaves of bread (depending on how large your Crimson Coven OR your appetite is)
5 slices of cooked bacon
2 fried eggs
½ pound Genoa salami
½ pound turkey breast
½ pound ham
Sliced cheddar cheese
Sliced Swiss cheese
Lettuce
Tomato
Green bell pepper
Kosher dill pickles
Peppercinis
Green olives
Salt and pepper
Mayo
Mustard
Chopped garlic
Cut the loaf in half or in thirds, depending on what kind of bread you use. I used a French bread loaf because I could not resist that straight-out-of-the-Albertsons-oven suppleness. It was soft on the inside, like carb clouds, but I could only cut it in half. Last time I used Italian bread and was able to cut 3–4 layers.
Garlic aioli spread
Mix 1 cup mayo with the juice of one lemon and a teaspoon of chopped garlic. Add salt and pepper to taste. Spread generously on the slices of the bread.
Building the monstra
Begin to assemble your sandwich toppings. I layered in this order: ham, turkey, cheese, mustard, salami, lettuce, tomato, bellpepper, pickles, peppercinis, then repeated as necessary. If you have a middle slice of bread, use that as a barrier between your floors of toppings. Fry two eggs and slap them on the top, along with your bacon. Stack the final slice on the top of the sandwich and secure the monstra with your bamboo skewers. Put the green olives on the top of the skewers. Look at yourself in the mirror to make sure you didn’t turn into Garfield or Scooby Doo. Okay, cool. Cut it in slices and hand them out on plates as if the sandwich was a birthday cake to your Crimson Coven. If you’ve got potato chips around, feel free to put those in your Ragwood for some extra CRUNCH. Not sure about those cappuccino-flavored Lays, but I won’t judge.
Spoiler alert: it’s even more delicious after being in the fridge overnight, so if you have leftovers, you’ll have a sandwich sequel to enjoy.
Previously: “My Uterus Is Listening to the Cramps” Mac and Cheese
Marie Lodi is the president of a pizza club in LA. She is also a staff writer and the resident style advice columnist at Rookie. Richard Simmons once said she moved like a stripper. Read more of her stuff at agentlover.com and follow her everywhere @agentlover.