The Playground Gourmet

You’re never gonna read Pete Wells again: The Bold Italic has discovered the new class of the world’s greatest food reviewers, and they’re all four years old. A photographer and an editor bring the kid to a top-tier restaurant — think the French Laundry, Mission Chinese — and the reviews, totally unfiltered, are golden: “These flavors are funny! There are TOO MANY FLAVORS,” “Is that soap? It doesn’t smell too soapy but I think that’s soap,” and “Um, is this a flower? To eat? Eww. I’m keeping this. I’m gonna give it some water.”

For the food nerds out there who’ve made wishlists of fancy restaurants to go to and for whom this would be a dream, here’s a primer for your next fancy California-based restaurant that is almost certainly not a shill; for the rest of you, it’s a look into what we’d probably be saying anyway if we got the chance to go to one of these places ourselves (“Well I don’t think I like new food but I DO like cheese.”).