Are Tiaras The New Power Scrunchies?

Oh my god, YES. Tiaras are absolutely equal in power to scrunchies. I fully endorse this question and, as always, I endorse infusing material objects with ethereal properties of power and empowerment etc.

Before Amanda Miller rushed out the door the other day, she added a final touch to her look: a tiara.

Her destination? Not a tween birthday or a drunken bachelorette party. Ms. Miller, a 36-year-old corporate communications manager for eBay, was headed to her office in Washington, D.C.

“Before you leave the house always add one tiara.” — Coco Chanel

Geoffrey C. Munn, author of “Tiaras: A History of Splendour,” said that modern-day women who wreathe themselves in a shiny headpiece may be making an ironic statement highlighting female empowerment. Not to mention, he added, “Tiaras are enormously flattering.”

Is it ironic, though? Or is it. So. Serious.

“I can tuck my hair into a headpiece in a cab on my way to work, and in 45 seconds I look polished and put together,” said Ms. Sun, 34, who owns four coronets of varying degrees of extravagance. “On a serious-business scale of 1 to 10, I will wear a tiara or an embellished headband to anything 7 or below.”

I would like to see a chart that compares the rise and fall of serious-business with the levels of embellishment on said headbands on my desk by Monday, please and thank you.

Ms. Ellis, 38, who wears hair ornaments everywhere from barbecues in Brooklyn to her offices in Chelsea, sees them as a nod of refined whimsy amid the hoodie-and-Adidas tech crowd.

Oh my god, yes. Seriously fuck the hoodie-and-Adidas tech crowd. Fuck boy geniuses proving their dominance with a low-stakes chill “hey I’m just a regular guy” outfit designed to piss off their dads while convincing other dads to provide a few hundred million in start-up capital. You want chill? I’ll give you the opposite of chill. I will wear a tiara.

Which brings us to what could be called the Instagram Effect. While heels and bags are often cropped out of selfies, tiaras are virtually guaranteed to make the cut with a look-at-me splash.

In other news, I am resigning from The Hairpin in order to go into my next business: tiaras large enough to hang your shoes and bags on, so that your selfies will include all your best accessories. Hot/rich dads can get @ me with start-up capital anytime.

“Tiaras are not something you grow out of,” she said. “They’re something you grow into, realizing that you’re a powerful person.”

Ok, I know we (I) have all had a lot of fun lol-ing at the idea of a power tiara, but I swear this is only 30% a joke. I mostly think this is great. Like, yes, women should absolutely wear a tiara if it makes them feel good about themselves. Women should wear anything and everything if it makes them feel like a queen. A tiara makes perfect sense. Buy yourself as many tiaras as you want. Do whatever you want all the time. You’re a queen.