Working on My Night Blogs

Yesterday I went to my doctor for the second time in four days — I’ve been seeing all my doctors lately because I am a responsible adult who lives in a country with subsidized healthcare and I plan to take advantage of that for as long as I can — and she was mad about the results of my blood work from the first visit. I mean, she wasn’t mad, but she was like, “Listen, this is garbage, your blood is garbage, what’s wrong with you? Are you feeling sick?”

Of course my response was to kind of shrug because, yeah, I think I always feel a little sick, or at least some version of tired and stressed, but I definitely didn’t have any symptoms of any recognizable illness, so she just ordered more blood work and kicked me out of her office like the wise Canadian medical practitioner she is.

But then when I went home, all bruised and bandaged from those vampires in the lab, I did start to feel sick, and I couldn’t tell if I was really ill or if it was because I just finished a really really big thing that will, no pressure, change the entire course of my life forever and remove me from the place I’ve grown up and all the people I love and the life I’ve built and for better or worse force me on a totally different trajectory than I ever thought I would go on in terms of my career (lol if American immigration officers are reading this hi you know what I’m talking about), or if it was just some totally psychosomatic mindfuck, that because the doctor had asked if I was feeling sick my body was like “Actually, that sounds good, why don’t you take the afternoon off?”

Instead I decided to do the responsible thing and drink a lot of tea and Emergen-C and take some Cold-FX and read quietly and go to bed at like 10 p.m. — 10 p.m.!!!! Like a goddamned preschooler!! — and that completely backfired, I am currently writing this at 3:45 a.m., I woke up at 3 a.m. more awake than I’ve ever been in my entire life and the idea of going back to sleep seems like such a joke that why bother. Perhaps I have evolved past the need for sleep. Perhaps my body, like my doctor, hates me so much that it is like “Listen, there’s this really simple thing you can do to be totally healthy, it’s called sleeping through the night but there’s no way you can ever achieve it lol sorry girl maybe just read quietly instead?!”

Do you remember a few years ago when everyone was talking about segmented sleep? I have a friend who was talking about trying it to accommodate a new job; should we try it as well? It seems like a better move to get up in the middle of the night like “No I totally planned this. I love that we’re doing this.” Instead of what I’m doing, which is cursing myself and searching for Liz Lemon night cheese gifs in my dark living room like a goddamned adult.

I did spend some time lurking the graveyard shift hashtag on Instagram; it is pretty interesting, no matter what time of day it is, and I liked this article about it.

Anyway, I’m going to go lie down again. How did YOU sleep?