“Zayn Malik puts strain on UK economy as hundreds of workers demand compassionate leave”

Nearly one week ago, the only member of One Direction worth caring about abruptly left the “band” — -in order to be a band you have to play instruments but WHATEVER, I’ll let them have this one — -and America nearly fell apart. Buzzfeed hosted a vigil. Teens freaked out. Even Mitt Romney weighed in (he is not looking well).

But that’s nothing compared to the reaction in the United Kingdom. From The Independent:

More than 220 calls were made to employment law experts by workers asking for compassionate leave following the news that Zayn Malik had quit One Direction.

Guys.

“If employees feel strongly about the issue then request that they take days off as a holiday, but compassionate leave is what you allow if a close relative dies, unless the employer is unaware of family ties with Zayn Malik then I hardly think that this qualifies.

Guys.

He went on to draw comparisons between the event and that of the big parting of ways of Robbie Williams from Take That in 1996, where they again experienced a huge spike in calls from concerned bosses.

GUYS. It’s just a “band.” Zayn will still be around!!! He isn’t even that CUTE I mean — -

Haley. Um. I think I need to take the day off.