How Divorce Works According to The 1998 Remake Of The Parent Trap

By Jaya Saxena April 20, 2015

maybe they just loved each other tooooooo much

1. There will only be one photo of you. Upon your divorce, you will ceremoniously rip it in half, and gift the half depicting you to your ex. This is entirely normal.

2. Should you have children, a custody official will see it perfectly fit to separate them, so long as you have already called dibs on your favorite. Definitely make sure to get the one with the English accent.

3. You will understand that it’s super cool to just lie to your kids, so much so that by the time they meet their long-lost twin, they will be too dumb to realize they should look into the coincidence of being identical.

4. When it comes time to remarry, it is preferable to marry someone your child has met precisely once, and to lie about your relationship until you’re sure they hate each other.

5. You will definitely make sure your new intended hates everything you love. Opposites attract!!!

6. The reason neither of you have remarried is definitely because you’re still pining for each other, not because you have impressive, lucrative careers and an 11-year-old to care for.

7. Scratch that, you both have butlers, you have plenty of time to date.

8. Your children will never be mad at you for the extremely fucked-up act of separating them and never telling them the other exists. In fact, it will never occur to them how easily and rightfully they could never forgive you for this, and refuse to speak to you for the rest of your deceitful lives. They will be too busy co-ordinating outfits.

9. If your parents are divorced, all it takes to get them back together is perseverance and access to a kick-ass boat.