Alana Massey on the prevalence of chill — — a lack of care so pervasive that it renders all…

I routinely happen upon men who are perplexed when I eventually declare that I want to know where we stand. Indecision is not a noble virtue. If a man is in “Not really feeling this becoming more than what it is,” territory, I should be made aware in no uncertain terms. If a man is in “I am waiting for someone else to be my girlfriend but I’ll keep you around till I find her” territory, I ought to know that too. My feelings, and the feelings of many people I know, are more hurt by the prolonged waiting for a concrete answer while we sit quietly with our feigned Chill. It is as if I’ve broken some unwritten law when I ask what they are looking for and am dissatisfied with the answer “I don’t really like to put labels on things.” But putting labels on things are how people find the exit during a fire and make sure they’re adding vanilla extract to the cake instead of arsenic.

Alana Massey on the prevalence of chill — — a lack of care so pervasive that it renders all emotions both obsolete and passé — — is something I wish I’d read when I was 14, or 17, or 20, or even, occasionally, now, times when I’ve stuffed my feelings deep down in order to make myself more palatable. Recently, my boyfriend told me I have zero chill; I responded in the only way I know how. I’ve come so far!