“Have you guys heard from Stephen lately?”

Like many people, Petrick had come to rely on his cellphone. He wasn’t as good as he used to be about memorizing phone numbers. Excitedly, he recalled one person’s cell number and dialed it.

His elation, however, quickly turned to anxious frustration as the automated voice told Petrick that he could not place a collect call to a cellular phone. He could only call out to a land line. Trouble was, he hadn’t memorized any land-line numbers.

Hell, he hardly even knew anyone with a land line anymore.

Moral of this story: don’t get arrested. No, wait. First, don’t “help a pregnant woman kick a nasty heroin habit by locking her inside [your] Santa Monica home so she couldn’t buy drugs” and then don’t get arrested. But if you must, don’t get arrested in L.A. County. But if you do, memorize someone’s land line (preferably a bail bondsman) or you could end up in jail for five days and all your friends will think you’re dead.