Ask Baba Yaga: How Can I Live Through These Waves Of Grief?

Dear Baba Yaga,

Several months ago, I gave birth to a child who didn’t live for very long. My partner and I have been supporting each other through the waves of grief, but there is a large part of me that wants to set my life on fire and get far away from everyone who ever knew I wanted a child. How do I stay attached to my life when there is a hole in its center that can never be mended?

BABA YAGA:

Everywhere you go ; you will wake up next to the hole, fall asleep with it watching you. Burning down yr trees will only leave the land more barren, so that the hole looks larger. Fire or no, the land will keep pushing out new beings. It hurts to hear the forest growing as the hole stares into you. But it is the sound & vision left to you, here & elsewhere.

Previously: Is It Possible To Be Kind Without Expecting Reciprocation?

Taisia Kitaiskaia is a poet and writer living in Austin. She’s taking questions on behalf of Baba Yaga at askbabayaga [at] gmail.com.

Illustration of Baba Yaga’s hut by Katy Horan.