Sluttiness Determined by Finger Length

Relying on research that shows people with long ring fingers tend to be more promiscuous (longer than their index fingers, that is — mine appear to be about the same length unless I hold them very tightly together and look at them from the back, in which case, yes, the ring finger is longer. Cool, I guess? IDK), scientists have deduced our hominid ancestors were big sluts. Far sluttier than we are now, which means we’re heading in an increasingly monogamous direction. Says a finger scientist:

“It is believed that prenatal androgens (male sex hormones) affect the genes responsible for the development of the fingers, toes and the reproductive system. We have recently shown that promiscuous primate species have low index to ring finger ratios, while monogamous species have high ratios.”

So, finger extensions as cure for low sex drive. Got it. And, oh good, EdithsFingerClinic.com is still available.