Pheromones Perhaps Baloney

by Liz Colville

The world is slightly collapsing all around us, since a day after evil arsenic was found to support a life form, a scientist has come out saying that we do not, after all, have unsmellable scents aka pheromones that allow us to inadvertently find our soulmates. “Mammals,” says Richard Doty of Penn State School of Medicine, “unlike insects, do not give off chemical signals that other mammals can then pick up.”

The concept of pheromones has been around since the 1950s, but Doty says it is an “oversimplification of how chemicals work in the environment and how animals are affected by them.” He makes pheromones sound quite a bit like religion, or UFOs, or horoscopes, when he says they are “part of our need as humans to have a belief in the unknown.” Aww man. Whatever next?!