“I’m a 34-Year-Old Woman Who Has Never Masturbated”

“I’m a 34-year-old woman who has never masturbated. I know it sounds crazy. Many people swear that masturbation is a critical part of being a sexually satisfied woman, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to do it. … As a feminist, I rationally understand that I’ve in some ways internalized the social stigmas around female sexuality, and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over them. I just don’t want to have that kind of interaction … with myself. … It’s not that I don’t believe that masturbation is a good thing — for other people. I’m just thoroughly disgusted by the idea of touching myself.”

Aw girl. Life is too short! … to not spend it alone, masturbating? But it is. All better, problem solved.