True Life: Natalie Portman Stalked Me

Not only is Natalie Portman infuriatingly beautiful and talented (although most of her acting in Black Swan was making an anxiety-rumple on her forehead, let’s be real) but she is also with child before the ragged cloak of her thirties descends and has a fiancé who looks good in pictures, and she studied neuroscience at Harvard, and all her professors have glowing things to say about how smart and amazing she was/is, and she says all the right things about John Galliano.

But now for some hard-hitting dirt on Ms. Portman, reported first-person, to crumble this seemingly perfect facade. I lived in Cambridge at the same time Natalie went to Harvard (no, I did not go to Harvard), and one day around Christmas I was shopping for Christmas presents, and I looked up and Natalie was shopping at the same store. I played it off like I hadn’t even seen her, and just walked around, looking for stuff, being normal, doodley doo. Natalie was walking around, too, also looking for stuff, it seemed. I decided that the store didn’t have anything I needed, so I left. I didn’t even need to wait around and watch what Natalie did. So I went into a store next door, and not five minutes later Natalie came into the same store. I continued to act normal, and then went into a third store. Natalie came into that one, too.

Photo via Flickr