How Not to Order a Drink

by Camille Santochi

Me: I’d like the beer I had the last time I was here.

Bartender: we have a lot of beer on tap here.

Me: It was different, you know?

Bartender: Different how?

Me: It tasted like cherries.

Bartender: A sweet flavor?

Me: No, sour cherry flavor. Yeah, bitter. Uh, hopsy.

Bartender: Do you know what hopsy means?

Me: Yeah … hopsy is … hopsy.

Bartender: Let me give you one to taste, this is [unrecognizable German-sounding beer name].

Me: Hmmm, nope.

Bartender: … Do you like it?

Me: Yeah, it’s fine. I just really want the sour cherry beer.

Bartender: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Me: It’s okay. I’ll just have a Blue Moon.

Camille Santochi is a reality television producer from Los Angeles. You can follow her on Twitter @omitofo or see where her cover band is playing next here.