Relationshapes!

By The Hairpin May 19, 2011

by David Rees

I don’t know if it’s raining where you’re reading this, but it’s raining where I’m writing it. My little house in the woods is damp and drafty and there’s some newfangled kind of mold sprouting up in the basement. (Phone sigh.)

No matter: I will steel my nerves, screw on a smile, and drop a ton of fun on you! Welcome back to Relationshapes, a.k.a. “Sunshine In A Frame.”

There was a leak in the ceiling at Relationshapes HQ, but I was able to salvage my answering machine and listen to this moist transmission from a super-fan:

“Hallo, Relationsheeps? It ees me, Bernard-Henri Levy, frahm Frahnce. Do you know who I am? Zere is nobody like me: Zee most glamorous, most intellectual man with zee most sexy shirts zat I never button. So today I call you aboot zomething velly zerious — my friend Dominique Strauss-Kahn, frahm IMF. He ees being, how you say, railroaded? Zey treat him like a common criminal, it ees a travesty, c’est tres mal. (Forgeef me, I speak in French language to express my outrage.) Eet’s time for men like you ahnd me to come togevver — sexy men, tres elite — to stand togevver weef Dominique and defend ourzelves frahm zee little scum-people zat envy us and our shirts zat reveal our chest-hairs. Please call me back to join my march on Washington, it vill be tres chic and we vill drink only zee finest champaghn! My wife has velly good plastic surgery on her face, only zee best.”

Uggh.