How You Can Keep Your Head Down and Pass as a Mormon While Living in Utah

By Nicole Cliffe July 7, 2011

1. Be white.
2. Be married.
3 Be obviously pregnant.
4. Remember to say “LDS” instead of “Mormon.”
5. Periodically pretend to awkwardly adjust your garment.
6. Be really, really nice.
7. Unless someone mentions gay people or abortion, in which case, be really, really quiet.
8. Ostentatiously buy a lot of jars and lids.
9. (That’s for canning. You also grind your own wheat.)
10. Do not pretend that you and your friend are sister wives while shopping together, even if it would be so, so funny.
11. (You’re totally going to do that anyway, so just don’t do it in a place where people can write down your license plate number.)