There Is No Quidditch in the Final Harry Potter Film

Which, I don’t know, this probably isn’t at all relevant in your life, but should you have seriously miscalculated a pot brownie portioning issue before seeing The Goblet of Fire and spent the entire Quidditch World Cup sequence with your fingers digging into your chair because oh my God they’re going so fast and they’re so high up and JESUS, A BLUDGER COULD SERIOUSLY KILL SOMEONE, all you have to worry about in the new movie is that lame, aggressively breeder-y epilogue. And the apocalyptic battle for good and evil that precedes it, obviously. Which is all Ohhh Neville, you so hot but your weird movie speech about Harry being IN HERE (taps heart) is awful? And Draco is GOLLUM! And USE SOME DEATH CURSES, YOU LOSERS! EXPELLIARMUS DOES NOT CUT IT WHEN YOU ARE AT WAR! (You saw Molly Weasley’s face after she wasted Bellatrix, right? Don’t tell me vengeful homicide doesn’t taste sweet.)

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