Women’s Clothing Items That Also Tell Me How to Feel About Myself

• THINX Period Panties: You should think next time before you decide to get your period.

• SPANX: Maybe it’s time to spank yourself or find an alternative method of punishment for having excess body fat.

• Control Top Tights: You have no control over your emotions.

• Push Up Bra: You don’t work out enough or ever. Try to do a push up on your knees, at least. Everyone else can do them on their feet.

• Crop Top: You should crop yourself out of this photo—your friends are much better looking.

• Wireless Bra: You can unplug from your devices, no one is texting you.

• Boyfriend Jeans: You don’t have a boyfriend. Take positive steps towards acquiring a boyfriend, such as getting a new body and/or personality.

• Seamless Underwear: You order too much take out off of Seamless. Go to the store to buy it, or, better yet, don’t eat.

• Kitten Heels: You might as well adopt another cat, you’re going to die alone.

• Maxi Dress: You shouldn’t have maxed out your credit card buying this dress, it doesn’t even look that good.

• Halter Top: Stop. Just stop trying.

Image: Jamie via Flickr