You Didn’t Just Find That
A social media lie — REVEALED.
You see people saying this sometimes on social media: “Just found this.” You know what I mean? “Was looking through my computer and just found this old photo of me.” “Was looking through an old box of things and just found this trophy from when I won a bowling tournament in 2015, LOL.” “Just found this clipping of when I was published in my school newspaper saying something good.” Yeah right. You didn’t just find that. You were looking for that.
Which is fine. 🙂 You don’t need to lie.
Sometimes you want to share something for no other reason than you want “favs,” or you want to brag. It’s “OK.” (This is a lie. It’s not OK and you should have a lot more shame about it than you do [like I said in a tweet recently, a tweet to which I will not link out of shame] and you should ultimately decide to not do it. But for the sake of this discussion let’s say it’s OK.) It’s OK. Our brains are broken now from on-line and we’re sad from life and posting things on social media is how we obtain a short-lasting simulacrum of happiness. “Whatever Works.”
But please — do not lie to me about it. I hate it when you lie to me. I thought we were acquaintances, and now look at the situation you’re putting me in: I have to pretend like I don’t know you’re lying to me. Who are you, Donald Trump? And who am I, congressional republicans? Now this post is relevant. Thank you. And well, so, do you want to be like that — like Donald Trump?!
I would think not!
“But what if I did just find it?” Well, then you can say it and people will suspect you are lying, at least until the Hairpin cures everyone of their bad social media practices. But you will know the truth. That’s the best I can do for you, I’m sorry.
Of course we would all like to solicit praise nonstop. If possible, I would post a link to the story of when Tony Hawk taught me how to ollie every single day:
I asked Tony Hawk if he would teach me how to ollie and he said yes
But I can’t. I can only post it sometimes, like how I just posted it here, and like how I plan to post it on Twitter on Tony Hawk’s birthday (May 12).
So, stop lying.
PLEASE!
I love you,
Kelly