What Would You Kiss? And For How Long?

If you could win it.

I just saw a post on a Gizmodo Media Group Univision Communications Fusion Media Group endless scroll vertical about people kissing a car on Facebook Live, the platform on which someone was just murdered and before that another person was gang raped. Now people are kissing a car on it to win the car and you can watch. OK. Just telling you what’s happening.

Anyway. What would you kiss, and for how long? The only answer is nothing but if I’m being realistic I would kiss my apartment for a long time in order to win free rent forever. I would even do it on Facebook Live, I don’t care. It would be humiliating and would potentially ruin my career but honestly my career is not going “great” anyway and it wouldn’t particularly need to if I didn’t have to pay rent. I think it would be foolish not to kiss your apartment to win free rent forever. But then I guess…if you wanted to move, that would make it difficult. Maybe the deal would be free rent anywhere forever. But then what if you wanted to buy a place at some point? Maybe if you buy an apartment or a house you get that place for free. I would kiss for a while, then. What else?

The Facebook Live element makes it difficult. I would kiss this couch for like half a day to get it for free but I wouldn’t kiss it ever on Facebook Live. I don’t need a pink couch that badly. Or at all, really. But I do want it. If you could save 100 lives by kissing a garbage can on Facebook Live for 48 hours would you do it? An interesting thought experiment, maybe keep it in your pocket for a date. Here’s another good twist on it: What is the least amount of lives you’d be willing to kiss a garbage can on Facebook Live for 48 hours in order to save? 10? 5? 1? It’s sort of like the Twilight Zone box question but reverse, in a way.

What else.

Lifetime full of expensive free clothes that fit your body and aren’t too big. I guess I would kiss something on Facebook Live for a supernatural ability. I always envied Sabrina the Teenage Witch for her ability to point at herself and be ready for the day. You don’t need that, but it would be handy. Flying…maybe flying, if you could fly and be invisible. I don’t want to fly around and have people see me. Flying in the air like a dork. Oh, teleportation. Though, I wonder if getting places would feel as good if it weren’t always a nightmare to get there. Like you wish you could teleport to a warm restaurant on a cold day but isn’t it nice to finally get there and come in out of the cold? You wish you could teleport to your vacation destination, but isn’t the first shower you take in order to wash off the nightmarish travel experience and usher yourself into vacation mode a very nice shower? And then you go to dinner? That’s nice. As they say, life is about the moment of relief after the horrible journey — not the destination, though the destination does factor into it in a large way. It would be nice to be able to teleport to work things, or to the doctor. Stuff you don’t want to go to anyway. Teleporting would be good if you used it judiciously but I’m not sure I trust myself to do that.

What else. Maybe if you needed a medical thing. That would be pretty dark. We don’t have to talk about it.

Well, the end.

What would you kiss?