Spring Candle Review: goop, edition 02 — shiso

By Kelly Conaboy April 28, 2017

The latest spring edition of The Hairpin’s popular candle column.

Gwyneth Paltrow. You know her from her skin, from the movie Country Strong, and from how she saved a woman’s life on 9/11 by almost hitting her with her Mercedes SUV. And now you know her from this, too: a goop candle. And now you know her from this review of the goop candle. Hello.

Goop’s “edition 02 — shiso” candle is the second in its series of four seasonal goop candles, and it’s the spring one. The first, “edition 01 — winter,” sounds like the kind of candle that I like — a winter candle — and I’m upset that I didn’t ask for one of those during the wintertime. Well, live and learn. Part of “wellness” is, of course, self-forgiveness, and the other part is, of course, perfecting your grift over time.

Here is goop’s description of the shiso candle:

A scent of cool air, pale sun, new life unfurling on the forest floor, this mystical candle channels the energy of spring: sensual heat against cool, damp air. Shiso leaf (also known as perilla) is the unexpected star of this scent: It has a slightly spicy/fresh characteristic that’s green, earthy, and delicate all at once. Its complex simplicity is similar to Ikebana, the art of Japanese floral composition: The shiso note is closely hinged on the other notes, so the scent begins simply and then slowly opens up into spicy greens, crushed stems, and ancient exotic woods.

Wow. That candle sounds like it smells fresh as fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— But does it? Let’s see.

DOES IT HAVE A GOOD SMELL?

Yes. It has an interesting smell that I haven’t smelled in a candle before, which is actually not true now that I’m thinking about it. It’s sort of smells like palo santo, only greener. It’s very intense when you first light it, and then it mellows out. I don’t know if it smells like new life unfurling on the forest floor, but I do know that it smells spicy. A savory candle. A candle that reminds me of the times I’ve eaten perilla leaves. A candle that has a good smell that’s a little weird and a little too much at first but good for when it’s a sunny day and you have the windows open.

IS IT A SPRING CANDLE?

Oh yeah, oops. Yeah. It’s a candle that’s good for when it’s a sunny day and you have the windows open.

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?

Goop isn’t a website one visits to buy anything either necessary or inexpensive, and in line with that this candle costs $72.

IS IT WORTH $72?

One positive thing I can say about this candle’s price is it isn’t $95. That’s good. However, I must admit that the price is $72, which is too much. While it does smell interesting, it doesn’t smell very expensive. My bank wouldn’t smell it and think “ — Oh no.” My bank wouldn’t say, “Kelly, please tell me you got this as a gift.” My bank wouldn’t say, “Kelly.”

My judgement as candle reviewer is that this candle should cost $46.

WHAT IS THE BURN TIME?

“Up to 65 hours.” I haven’t seen “up to” used in a burn time yet, but it makes the “65 hour” claim at once more honest and more dishonest than most other burn times, which are almost always bullshit. Up to, uh, forever? Who knows how long it’ll last. Maybe it’s holy.

DOES THE CANDLE LOOK NICE?

It does. The candle is emblazoned with the Gawker “G,” as all goop products are, and it is quite handsome. (Gawker, for those who don’t know, was a New York media website known in its final days for dogged aggregation of Donald Trump news.) It’s black, which is nice. I don’t really like the “edition 02,” but it’s not very distracting. In general I’m happy to have the Gawker “G” on a candle in my home.