How To Wash Your Hair

(Again.)

You might remember when the New York Times told you how to wash your hair. I say “you might remember” because judging from a recent Times story called “There Is a Right Way to Wash Your Hair,” it seems many of you are still not getting — first of all — that there is a right way to wash your hair and, second of all, what the right way to wash your hair is and, third of all, how to do it. So, because we are the “hair”pin and I consider it our job, technically, to tell you how to do it, please allow us to tell you that this is what the right way to do it is and this is how you do it:

1. Cut Off All Of Your Hair

2. Throw Your Hair Out The Window

3. Throw Your Shampoo Out The Window

4. Throw Yourself Out The Window

5. Land On Your Feet

6. Have A Nice Day

(It’s not so hard once you know how to do it, and the good thing about doing it this way is that it’ll stay nice for longer between washings.)