Poems on the University at Midterm

You know the drill.

1. On Blue Books

There are blue books
In the supply closet
If you need them.

2. On the Pickleball League

Good morning.
Due to overwhelming
Interest in the formation
Of the noon-time
Pickleball league
For faculty and staff,
I am attaching
A sign-up sheet,
Which can also be used
For the formation of other
Activity groups.
All play will take place
Over the lunch hour
During the week.

3. On the Wine at a Reception

This afternoon,
You will attend a
A reception
With excruciatingly
Bad wine,
And you will wonder
Yet again
Why it is necessary
For the wine to be
So
Bad.

4. On Being Impactful

The university
Hopes to train
Our students
To lead
Impactful
Lives.

5. On a Student’s Lack of a Stapler

This is just to say
That I’m wondering
If I need to staple
My seminar paper
Or if I can just
Turn in
A pile of paper.

6. On Talking About Foucault

Your colleague
Is saying
A lot of things
To you
About Foucault.
How much longer
Can he say things
About Foucault.

7. On What You Are Most Proud Of

The administration asks you
To please write short paragraph
To include with your annual
Merit evaluation materials
Entitled
“What I Am Most Proud of This Year.”
This document
Should not be confused with
“What I Did At Summer Camp,”
Which is something else
Entirely
That you wrote
A long time ago.

8. On Submitting a Form

This is a reminder
To submit the form
That you are delinquent
In submitting
As soon as possible.
Thank you.

9. On a Ranking

A personal finance magazine
Has ranked the university
As one of its “100 Best Values
In Private Universities,”
Which is a pretty intriguing
Category
In and of itself.

10. On Faculty and Staff Appreciation Day

Faculty and Staff Appreciation Day
At the campus bookstore
Has been changed to another day.
Sorry for the confusion,
But it had to be done.