6 Steps To Prepare For Peony Season

By Kelly Conaboy March 28, 2017

You have to do it. Here’s how.

Peonies, a flowering plant in the genus Paeonia, are necessary to bring in happiness and vital beauty for a delightful transition from spring into summer. Still, for many Americans, peony season inspires a sense of dread. Have you set enough money aside? Have you foreseen any possible surprises? Have you gathered the right forms?

We know it can be a pain, but the simple fact is that peony season, which lasts from April through June, has to be dealt with each year — no matter what. Here are a few steps to make the process go a bit more smoothly.

1. Estimate Your Income

Webster’s defines income as “a coming in.” Think of it this way: how much money do you have a-coming in? Estimate how much you think that is and then think, “oh god.” Then think of all the money you spend needlessly and how that has not had any longterm effect on your happiness or wellbeing.

2. Calculate How Much Income to Set Aside

Peonies can be quite expensive. (That isn’t even counting the ones you buy as tight little balls that never open up into fluffy flowers, which are an upsetting waste of money and anticipation-related energy. You try to enjoy them as balls, but it’s difficult. They’re not that great just as balls.) Set aside about 30% of your income.

3. Estimate Your Deductions

Maybe last time you were at the bodega you bought your friend a candy bar or “gummies,” if your friend is the type of person who pretends to enjoy gummies, Haribo, give me a fucking break, because you were buying more things than she was and it was easier to just throw her candy onto your tab. Keep careful track of these expenses. Now, when you’re together at the bodega again: that friend owes you one peony dollar.

4. Determine Whether You Need to Make Estimated Payments

It’s possible that you may be required to make estimated peony payments; check with your state. (For me, that state is New York.)

5. Create a Special Account

You know you’re going to have to spend about 30% of your income on peonies each year, and keeping that money — the money that is rightfully the peonies’ money — mingling with your “spendable” money isn’t going to do you any favors. Set up a separate account and (try to!) dutifully make deposits throughout the year.