Imagine Watching This Video About What Celebrities Are Going To Eat At The Golden Globes

By Kelly Conaboy January 6, 2017

Award show season should be canceled forever.

[Example of terrible thing], [example of terrible thing], [example of terrible thing], [example of terrible thing]. And on top of all of that, I just scrolled past a Variety article about what food celebrities are going to eat at the Golden Globes.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

— Psalm 34:17, lying

The Golden Globes is on Sunday, a fact that I am upset to have learned and apologize for passing on to you.

It is simply too much that it is, on top of everything else, award show season. That is a plain truth and the fact that it has not been remedied by those in power does more to expose the inherent indecency of mankind than anything the Republican-controlled Congress could ever do just kidding, but you do have to admit that the award shows should have been canceled.

And there’s a slickly-produced video about what food they’re going to eat? What food? The celebrities? Are going to eat? At the Golden Globes? A video? A video that I had to see exists simply because I was scrolling through my Digg reader and for some reason have asked to see Variety posts in there? No — it is simply too much. I am a strong woman, which is not true, but this is too much.

Here is the video:

Just kidding, that’s an image I created. I’m unwilling to show you the video, which has 303 views currently, and I urge you not to seek it out yourself though I do assume I do not have to urge very hard. I will tell you, though, that one of those views was Silvia, editor of the Awl and the Hairpin. Here is what she said, in case you are very curious: