Poems on the Beginning of the Academic Year

To get you in the academic spirit

1. Poem on a Zoo Excursion

Dear Faculty and Staff,
You are invited to bring
Your kids, grandkids, or that
Special someone
And join your colleagues at the zoo!
So come spend a lovely day
With these captive wild animals.

2. Poem on Budget Codes

Here are some budget codes
To make things
Easier.

3. Poem on Interactions With Colleagues on the First Day of Classes

How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
How was your summer?
It was great.

4. Poem on Toys

The Office for Wellbeing
Has placed toys
In the Student Center
In case students
Are stressed out
About adjusting
To college life
And would like to play
Jenga.

5. Poem on the Agenda

Please make any additions
To the agenda soon.
Thank you.

6. Poem on Advising

Data gathered by
The Office of Advising
Shows that students
Feel that the advising resources
Available to them
Impact
The kinds of things that
They should
Impact.
The Office of Advising also asks you
To please remind your advisees
That they need to get good grades
If they plan to go to graduate school.

7. Poem on Alternative Modes of Transportation

Whenever parking lots are closed,
We recommend alternative modes
Of transportation, although there are
None.

8. Poem on a Student Contemplating the English Major

This is just to say
That I need to sell
The English major
To my dad.
Can you please
Tell me
What I should say
To him.

9. Poem on Parents’ Night Out

Although the university
Has no
Childcare program,
We invite you to
Drop off
Your children
From 4–8 p.m.
On one
Single
And solitary
Day,
And they will be
Watched
By students
So you can have a
Parents’ Night Out.
You’re welcome.
(Children 3+ only please.)

10. Poem on a Credit Card

Show your pride with
The BankAmericard Cash Rewards™
Visa Signature® credit card,
And get a $100 cash rewards bonus
After qualifying purchases.
Rewards customers earn up to
3% cash back on certain purchases,
All while helping to support
Exciting university initiatives.

11. Poem on Library Privileges

An item we borrowed for you
Through interlibrary loan
Is now
Extremely overdue.
Title: Shakespeare’s romances /
Author:
Due Date: 2/26/2016
TN: 534513.
Please return this item
As soon
As possible.
This is not
Nice
Grown-up
Behavior,
And your library privileges
Will be blocked
Until this issue
Is resolved.

12. Poem on a Yellow Ballot

Here is a yellow ballot
To vote
For someone
Or something.

13. Poem on a Faculty Meeting

Maybe today’s faculty meeting
Will be like
The one in the spring,
When a man quite literally
Interrupted four of his
Female colleagues.
Now that would really
Be something
To look forward to.

14. Poem on Convocation Clothing

If you need to borrow
Academic regalia
For this year’s
Convocation exercises,
Please place your order
NO LATER THAN
THIS FRIDAY.
Plain black
Academic gowns
And black mortarboards
With tassels
Are available.
It is all very
Minimalist.

15. Poem on the New Dean of Something

We have appointed a human
To the position of Dean of Research,
Scholarship, and Creativity
Because that is a thing now
In the Office of the Dean of the College.