Fruit Flies Are Such Fucks

Hate them.

It’s hard to imagine a fly more brazen than a fruit fly. An eighth of an inch long; red eyes; begotten of fruit, and hostility, and fruit fly eggs. Flying around your head, evading your swats or, worse, taking them in stride. Relentless. Trying to get into your wine. Being so tiny that you can’t really hit them with a magazine or spray them with a bug spray. Shouldn’t a fruit fly die if you hit it directly with your hand, when you think about how small it is? Yes. But the answer is that it doesn’t, and that’s wrong.

I had the feeling that around this time last year I was also bothered by fruit flies, and would you look at this, from a website:

Fruit flies can be a problem year round, but are especially common during late summer/fall because they are attracted to ripened or fermenting fruits and vegetables.

These motherfuckers. Also look at this headline:

Doesn’t that headline sort of make you think that if a fruit fly is around you, you’re in a “cancerous tumor hotspot”? These little sneaks. These fucks. I didn’t read the article and I can’t imagine it means that actually, but still.

So tiny. Flying around your head.

Enough!