Wow This Subway Bug Story Is Good

Subway bugs, subway bugs.

Wow, this story is good:

Straphangers go berserk after woman tosses bugs in subway car

In case you haven’t read it, you should read it, but also I’ll tell you: A woman was selling crickets and worms on the subway during rush hour yesterday when group of teenagers pushed her, causing her to spill all of her bugs. Oh no. Then someone, someone who wasn’t even the woman or the teens, pulled the emergency brake, a break, and the train was stuck on the Manhattan Bridge for half an hour and the air conditioning shut off. Oh my god. Everyone and everything fulfilled their roles perfectly and now we have this story.

And then this:

“[The bug selling woman] was banging on the doors and trying to climb out the windows. Everyone had crickets on their arms. My girlfriend was crying,” said Calabrese. “Then some men were trying to hold her down and she started trying to throw up on them.”

The woman then urinated on the floor and everyone again ran to the other side of the car while still trying to avoid the piles of bugs.

“Everyone had crickets on their arms.”

“My girlfriend was crying.”

I don’t mean to have formed a “take” on this New York Post article so quickly, but it seems as though I have, and here it is: crickets and worms are not that bad if you have to be stuck on a subway car with bugs. One time I was on the subway and there was a bee. That was bad. Just one bee is worse that a lot of crickets, in my opinion, because a bee can sting you.

The air conditioning shut off and the screaming passengers were all stuck inside the sweltering car with the woman, who then treated them to antics for a half an hour as the crickets jumped on passengers. The worms just wriggled on the floor.

If you’re going to scream about bugs on a train, I would say it should be about bugs like horseflies or a mosquitoes or deer flies or some sort of a bee. Not crickets and worms. Though personally I would have also screamed.

With this in mind, The Hairpin reached out to Mike Dang — Editor-in-chief @Longreads. Co-founder @TheBillfold — for comment. He said:

Incredible.