What Are Birds Saying?

A mystery in the morning.

Beautiful birds, chirping in a tree — it’s the picture of America; a mystery to unwrap. Their timeless songs wake you up and annoy you on mornings when you’re predisposed to anger. Their cheerful voices wake you up and delight you on mornings when you haven’t remembered anything to make you feel bad yet. But what are they saying, and does anyone know? Good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning. Is that what they’re saying?

Enjoy this video:

“I don’t think anyone knows what they’re trying to communicate,” you’re saying, “because they’re birds.” God, such a moron. Forever. You are forever the biggest moron I’ve ever known. “But here’s what I think,” you continue, so painfully moronic that I can hardly even stand it. All right. “I think,” you’re saying, “the majority of what you hear when you listen to birds chirp in the morning,” uh-huh, “is male birds defending their territory, searching for a mate, or displaying their claim on the mate they’ve already found.”

Well, jesus christ. Yeah, that’s it.